Chonny Jash - Fine, I’m Fine

my first completely original song (not based on anything already existing) in... over a year??? crikey... i hope you enjoy listening to the song as much as i enjoyed belting the vocals and annoying my neighbours. AVAILABLE TO LISTEN ON SPOTIFY, BANDCAMP AND SOUNDCLOUD (and all the other stuff soon enough (bars)) Spotify: Bandcamp: SoundCloud: --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- LYRICS: ALRIGHT. Fuckin’ fine. If you want, then I can finally admit it. It took… what, almost twenty-three years? Of doubt, and fear, and all that bullshit. I’ve hidden behind this screen, with a referential, blackened sheen. I’ve poured my heart out dry to keep the sadness pristine. But for the first time in this whole damn life that’s been thrown at me, I think I might actually be happy. It’s been a while, so let me be myself, complete and sincere. This is the first fair night in a long, long time spent drunk, but not bookended by tears. The grin I wear is real and it crawls from ear to ear. The one place I’d like to be most is right damn here. I’ve got good friends I can trust and lean on, though I’ve not had to use them yet. Their company is an end to outlie the means on the bell curve inside my head. I’ve got more than I could ever expect, and not one has effected a way to end my respect yet. The list of hit/miss ratios shows that they’re all a sure-shot bet. So the stakes I’ve placed on a losing race are a fallacy of sanity and a couple of mates. I do what I want and I can afford to eat? I mean, fuck me, mate. What more do you need? I cannot pretend anymore that this life can still be beat. So, please. Let this endless torrent of fear flow away. I don’t need a rose-tinted lens to enbrighten these greys. They’re plenty vibrant. The frame merely gets in the way. Why dwell in the past when this life is so vast? Oh, it’s splendid today. It’s been a while, so let me smile with my eyes instead of my teeth. Oh, it’s a strange, new thing when a crocodile cries its tears out of joy, not deceit. I’m sure it won’t last long but for now, it’s such a treat to bring the happy man out from underneath. And let’s be clear, now: I don’t deserve this. That fact is firm and unyielding. Your good, kind platitudes and idolizing attitudes don’t earn me the power that I’m wielding. But I’m happy I can hide inside the walls I created, hated by the me that thought he’d die in complacent hatred. This time, I’ll look him straight in the eye and say “Mate, I fucking made it.” ‘Cos everybody’s saying that I’m never gonna make it but I’m taking on the chin each hit of hesitation. If an idea’s got good legs then it’ll run and if you’re learning to walk, you gotta make sure you’re having fun. I work with, at, to and for one, and I sure as shit ain’t done. Not yet. Let this endless torrent of fear flow away. (And when shit hits the fan, scream mayday) I don’t need a rose-tinted lens to enbrighten these greys. (When you find who you are, you find it easier to say.) They’re plenty vibrant. The frame merely gets in the way. (Make tomorrow your heyday.) Why dwell in the past when this life is so vast? Oh, it’s splendid today. And when I die, know that I’m just a product of place and time. Such convenient luck for a thick-headed dumbcunt; failing my way on up. And know that I am not blind. I see the shadow lurking behind. But just for now, let me write something that’s upbeat and bright, while it’s still light. Let me say I’m fine without it being a lie. Let this hellish tempest of rage run its course. (Forgive the hunch, but I have an inkling) I don’t wanna hide behind this state of mind anymore (that I don’t think what I’ve thought is worth more than what I’m thinking.) If it’s a trick then consider me fully immersed. (Do you think doubt will make it hurt less?) I’ll enjoy the sun before darkness has come and this light has dispersed. …yeah I’m doing good, mate.