Life As A Developer: My Code Does Not Work Because I Am A Victim Of Complex Societal Factors...

“What are the best practices for shipping high-quality software?“ This question is an example of a question that I will not answer in my talk. Instead, I will describe why any software project that contains more than 10 lines of code is guaranteed to fail. Using my fragmentary knowledge of the laws of thermodynamics, I will explain why code is like a proton that must ultimately turn into a crystal or, uh, whatever it is that thermodynamics says will happen. I will demonstrate how unit tests, functional prog