REJECTED KONGS: A New DK Rap (April Fools’ 2022) [by Random Encounters]

We updated the DK RAP with all the Kongs Nintendo forgot about! Hopefully they’re included in the Super Mario Movie... Happy April Fools’ Day, everyone! ✸BECOME AN ENCOUNTERER✸ ☑ Hit the Bell! ☑ Stream our Music! ☑ Get our Gear: ☑ Go Behind the Scenes: ======================= LYRICS: Well, the gang’s all here that you never knew: it’s the REject Kongs of the DK Crew! You knew Donkey and Diddy, and quite a few more, But ya ain’t never heard of these apes before! Re-jects! Rejected Kongs! Re-jects! Reject Kongs like these! He’s the Kong whose kongcave kongstantly itches! He’s wearin’ a pair of big tears in his britches! The moment he wakes, he can tell that he’s flaky. An hour in the shower aids his exfoliating! The patches of rashes that he’s actually scratchin’ need a cortisone cream if he hopes to dispatch ‘em! This ape keeps scraping till he’s way over all of this. Can someone recommend him a good dermatologist? IT-CHY! ITCHY KONG! IT-CHY! IT-CHY TO THE MAX! She’s a covetous Kong and she can’t have enough. She’s here to help herself to a bunch of your stuff! She’s been banned from Bevmo for committing crimes, She’s been sentenced to jail about eleven times! She’s got sticky fingers she can cop cans of pop with. And she’ll pilfer your silver while she’s trying to shoplift! She’s a klepto-Kong- oh, she’s takin’ our bongos! She’ll make off with more, depending how long the song goes. GRAB-BY! GRAB-BY KONG! GRAB-BY! GRAB-BY STOLE OUR HEARTS! He has no friends cause they won’t take his crap. They know this ape goes ape because he’s eager to slap! He’ll smack his mom! He’ll swat a baby! He’ll take his palm to a pack of old ladies! Puttin’ prints on your cheek is his unholy pleasure. Spittin’ quick-fire cuffs in incalculable measure. So brace your face, whether ready or not, because Slappin’ makes him happy, and he’s happy a lot… SLAP-PY! SLAP-PY KONG! SLAP-PY! SLAPPY’S THROWIN’ DOWN! She’s the drunk of the bunch! And her one notoriety is Tipsy can’t keep a full day of sobriety. This Kong smells strong! Foul, fermenting urine’s an olfactory attack when she’s in the room you’re in! She can’t walk a line. She’s perpetually wasted. And the fruit of the vine’s all this wino has tasted! Barfin’ on the carpet like a rum-imbibing bum there! Crackin’ in a keg cause it’s 5 o’clock somewhere! TIP-SY! TIP-SY KONG! TIP-SY! TIPSY’S ON THE LOOSE! He’s the leader of the pack since he sacked the Jin Dynasty! A plan that began killing clans by the China Sea! The Kongs won’t talk of this warmongerin’ Mongol who killed several mil in ways decidedly wrongful. This nomadic madman committed atrocities- Wiped Wuhai off the map with a frightening ferocity! This Mongol monstrosity mangled most of Asia. Yeah, your Great Wall was great, but Genghis Kong’s gone and played ya! GEN-GHIS! GENGHIS KONG! GEN-GHIS! GENGHIS KONG FOR LIFE! He’s the awkward twig of the Kong family tree. Someone give him a sock so he can finally be free. In the wizarding world, he’s kongsidered a peon! A gangsta little pranksta who’s been stepped on for eons! He’s pals with Potter and Hermione Granger, till he’s brutally killed by Belatrix LeStrange! Sure, his fashion is lackin but this sack-clad sensation is the poster-child house elf of Self-flagellation! DOB-BY! DOBBY KONG! DOB-BY! DOBBY’S IN THE HOUSE!